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The Older Woman
Been Around

A Thingos Presentation copyright Whimsical & Wacky Wits - Compiled... by Karen...(w/o pics) except one.
 
"...As I grow in age, I value older women most of all.
 Here are just a few reasons why...
 An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,
 "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think...
 An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,
what she is, what she wants and from whom.
 Few women past the age of 50 gives a dang what you might think about her...
 Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match
with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.
Of course, if you deserve it,
they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it...            
 Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness
 and are generous with praise, often undeserved....
 An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends.
 A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend
 because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
Older women couldn't care less...

 Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman.
 They always know...
 An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick.
 This is not true of younger women or drag queens...
 Once you get past a wrinkle or two,
 an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
 Her libido's stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone...
 Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal
and she's lived long enough to know how to please a man
 in ways her daughter could never dream of...
 Older women are forthright and honest.
 They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one...

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons.
Here's to all the "young at heart"  women! 
Value and love them all! ...Authot Unknown

This is Grandpa’s reply to a letter he received from his granddaughter.
NOTE: Responses to grandpa’s reply have been included in the letter.

Grandpa’s letter with RESPONSES included…
Whether you are Republican, or Democrat, the children of our world are entitled to the truth.

It is noted that this Grandpa…John G. is 63 years old, owns a small business and “ He’s a life-long Republican.” He sees his dream of retiring next year as all but evaporated. With the stock market crashing and new taxes coming his way, John assumes now that he will work to his dying day. This American man has a granddaughter. She/He is a recent college grad. She/He drives a flashy hybrid car, wears all the latest fashions, and loves to go out to nightclubs and restaurants. She/He campaigned hard for Obama. “After the election she/he made sure her grandfather (and all other Republican family members) received a big I told-you-so earful on how the world is going to be a much better place now that her party is taking over.” Having lost both roommates, She/He recently ran short of cash and cannot pay the rent (again) on her 3 bedroom townhouse. Like she/he has done many times in the past, she/he emailed her grandfather asking for some financial help.”
This is a corrected version of Grandpa John’s reply:
Grandpa writes…”Sweetheart”

    Response

: Future Children of the World

Grandpa writes…”I received your request for assistance. Ashley, you know I love you dearly and I’m sympathetic to your financial plight. Unfortunately, times have changed.” Grandpa says…”With the election of President Obama, your grandmother and I have had to set forth a bold new economic plan of our own…”

    Response

: It is important that you understand that the problems we are facing today have a long history. It is imperative that you and other children of our world do the proper research and learn the facts that led up to our country’s present problems.

Grandpa continues…”The Ashley Economic Empowerment Plan. “…” Let me explain. Your grandmother and I are life-long, wage-earning taxpayers. We have lived a comfortable life, as you know, but we have never had the fancier things like European vacations, luxury cars, etc. We have worked hard and were looking forward to retiring soon. But the plan has changed. Your president is raising our personal and business taxes significantly. He says it is so he can give our hard earned money to other people. Do you know what this means, Ashley? It means less for us, and we must cut back on many business and personal expenses.”

    Response

: Of course, this is stated through your Grandpa’s beliefs and point of view. If I were to do my historical research with an open-mind, and avoid any narrow-mindedness, on my part: I would expect nothing less of myself than to tell you the facts. President Obama won his election fair and square. The American people overwhelmingly voted for him. It seems the American people were totally fed up with our past Presidents, Senate members, and Congressmen. Then again, we must also consider all those influential and powerful people who have had unprincipled influence on ‘ALL’ those (elected and hired) employees within our government. Furthermore, I must avoid insulting yours’ and other Americans’ intelligence: President Obama did in fact “Inherit the Mess” we as Americans now find ourselves in. Doing your research will factually verify that all the man-made stupidity; whether Republican or Democrat, was, and still remains, over-flowing with flaws and corruption that has “preceded”, and continues to remain in our present government arena.

Grandpa continues… “You know the wonderful receptionist who worked in my office for more than 23 years? The one who always gave you candy when you came over to visit? I had to let her go last week. I can’t afford to pay her salary and all of the government mandated taxes that go with having employees. Your grandmother will now work 4 days a week to answer phones, take orders and handle the books. We will be closed on Fridays and will lose even more money.”

    Response

: There I go again. You must forgive your grandpa for his personal, and somewhat narrow-mindedness. If I had to look at the past factual history, I would be reminded of what has come before. Prior to the election of Obama, I must, in all fairness to you, admit that our present situation is a combination of all the “past-pit-full” of studpidity, greed and corruption. The list is long and will require some research on your part. Keep in mind that there are people who would like to downplay the history that has lead us to what is happening today. It is their hope that the American people continue to develop a state of apathy, and become blind to what can be swept under the carpet.

Grandpa continues…”I’m also very sorry to report that your cousin Frank will no longer be working summers in the warehouse. I called him at school this morning. He already knows about it and he’s upset because he will have to give up skydiving and his yearly trip to Greenland to survey the polar bears. That’s just the business side of things. Some personal economic effects of Obama’s new taxation policies include none other than you. You know very well that over the years your grandmother and I have given you thousands of dollars in cash, tuition assistance, food, housing, clothing, gifts, etc., etc. But by your vote, you have chosen to help others — not at your expense — but at our expense.”

    Response

: Again, forgive me for insulting your intelligence. I realize that you would find it difficult to feel any empathy for your cousin Frank who will no longer be able to go skydiving and to continue enjoying his yearly trips to Greenland. As far as my ignorance in demeaning your choice of vote, I do apologize. I reluctantly realize that Obama had nothing to do with the greed and corruption that led to the downfall of Wall Street, and all the other things combined that have led to the taxpayer’s “billions-of-dollar-payouts”.

Grandpa continues…”If you need money now sweetheart, I recommend you call 202-456-1111. That is the direct phone number for the White House. You yourself told me how foolish it is to vote Republican. You said Mr. Obama is going to be the People’s President, and is going to help every American live a better life. Based on everything you’ve told me, along with all the promises we heard during the campaign, I’m sure Mr. Obama will be happy to transfer some stimulus money into your bank account. Have him call me for the account number which I memorized years ago. Perhaps you can now understand what I’ve been saying all my life: those who vote for a president should consider the impact on the nation as a whole, and not be just concerned with what they can get for themselves. What Obama supporters don’t seem to realize is all of the money he is redistributing to illegal aliens and non-taxpaying Americans (the so-called “less fortunate”) comes from tax-paying families.”

    Response

: Wow! As your grandpa, did I just say that “word-chain-full-of-nonsense?” If I had to be honest with myself, I would have to admit that we sure haven’t given President Obama much time. I also realize, my dear girl, that you are a person with intelligence and integrity and would never bother our busy president with such nonsensical trivia. I guess I did vote for Bush, therefore, maybe my thought process needs some sorting out. After all, if I want to shine in your eyes, I guess I should let go of the old school, do some research, and face some facts. Life is all about change, and living in the information and computer world of today, it only stands to reason that the truth of our country’s need is staring me in the face.

Grandpa continues…”Remember how you told me, “Only the richest of the rich will be affected”? Well guess what, honey? Because we own a business, your grandmother and I are now considered to be the richest of the rich. On paper, it might look that way, but in the real world, we are far from it.

    Response

: All I can say here in regard to my statements above is that I am forgetting to count my blessings.
Grandpa continues…”As you said, while campaigning for Obama, some people will have to carry more of the burden so all of America can prosper. You understand what that means, right? It means that raising taxes on productive people results in them having less money; less money for everything, including granddaughters. I’m sorry, Ashley, but the well has run dry. The free lunches are over. I have no money to give you now. So, congratulations on your choice for “change.” For future reference, I encourage you to try and add up the total value of the gifts and cash you have received from us, just since you went off to college, and compare it to what you expect to get from Mr. Obama over the next 4 (or 8) years. I have not kept track of it, Ashley. It has all truly been the gift of our hearts. Remember, we love you dearly…but from now on you’ll need to call the number mentioned above. Your “Savior” has the money we would have given to you. Just try and get it from him. Good luck, sweetheart.”
“Love, Grandpa”

    Response

: As for my last three paragraphs, even I have to admit that I sound like an old, greedy, and possibly a misinformed fool who is set in his ways. It is not my intention to mislead you in any way. I may be entitled to my own opinions; but that goes without saying that you are entitled to your own search for the truth.

 

"...i am sending this response to your dam office..."
Topic: Dam
“…This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter…(The referenced parcel of property and photos have been taken out)…
Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.

A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division. 

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:…
(The referenced parcel of property has been taken out)…

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/05 has been handed to me to respond to.
I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at…(Address Removed)…

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then, and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS…”

 
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